I miss dressing up.
This is what my wardrobe looks like, in general. I have my Lolita stuff, my Gyaru stuff, my more casual stuff, and my “I’m trying to look edgy” stuff. This is on top of my “regular bystander” clothes, of course, because dressing up in the Philippines ALL the time is not only a hassle because of the heat but also because of all the street harassment that goes on. S’why I tend to stay in malls and secured communities when I dress up.
I can safely say that Lolita is my “first love” among the Japanese street fashions. I’ve learned the “rules”, I break a good number of them, but I feel like it kinda works out. I wear Gyaru stuff when I’m feeling a little lazier, and don’t want to roast under layers of petticoats. XD my casual stuff is still inspired by Lolita and Gyaru, though much more toned down, of course. The “edgy” stuff is stuff that I rarely wear, but I do occasionally go out wearing something like this, just because I feel like it. I’ve received some flak for “not sticking to just one style” and “disrespecting <this style> by wearing <that style> as well.” They’re clothes. They’re fashion. I like all of them, and I like wearing them.
My condition has prevented me from wearing any of my favorite styles because it’s pretty tiring to get into any of them, and I don’t usually have anywhere to go on my rest days. XD I’ll probably photograph an outfit or two on my dressform when I have the energy to. 
What I really miss, though, is having photo shoots! I miss getting all nicely dressed up and going to locations or setting up in studios. I’m actually trying to pull together a simple cosplay so I can shoot during one of my rest days, but I don’t quite know – or have complete control over – my schedule. Soon, maybe?

Which style do you like me in best? :D
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All photos by JR Madrasto
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 I miss dressing up.

This is what my wardrobe looks like, in general. I have my Lolita stuff, my Gyaru stuff, my more casual stuff, and my “I’m trying to look edgy” stuff. This is on top of my “regular bystander” clothes, of course, because dressing up in the Philippines ALL the time is not only a hassle because of the heat but also because of all the street harassment that goes on. S’why I tend to stay in malls and secured communities when I dress up.

I can safely say that Lolita is my “first love” among the Japanese street fashions. I’ve learned the “rules”, I break a good number of them, but I feel like it kinda works out. I wear Gyaru stuff when I’m feeling a little lazier, and don’t want to roast under layers of petticoats. XD my casual stuff is still inspired by Lolita and Gyaru, though much more toned down, of course. The “edgy” stuff is stuff that I rarely wear, but I do occasionally go out wearing something like this, just because I feel like it. I’ve received some flak for “not sticking to just one style” and “disrespecting <this style> by wearing <that style> as well.” They’re clothes. They’re fashion. I like all of them, and I like wearing them.

My condition has prevented me from wearing any of my favorite styles because it’s pretty tiring to get into any of them, and I don’t usually have anywhere to go on my rest days. XD I’ll probably photograph an outfit or two on my dressform when I have the energy to. 

What I really miss, though, is having photo shoots! I miss getting all nicely dressed up and going to locations or setting up in studios. I’m actually trying to pull together a simple cosplay so I can shoot during one of my rest days, but I don’t quite know – or have complete control over – my schedule. Soon, maybe?

Which style do you like me in best? :D

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All photos by JR Madrasto

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The Leukemia Diaries, part 5 - Remission!
I thought that a post that brings good news deserves a happy photo! If I recall correctly, this is the last photo shoot I managed to do before I got hospitalized.
I can&#8217;t tell you how much I&#8217;ve been looking forward to writing this post, specifically. My doctors have declared me to be in remission! It doesn&#8217;t mean that I&#8217;m cured, but it does mean that I&#8217;m on my way there.
"She could go at any time."
A little over a month ago, my parents heard those words from one of my physicians. One can only imagine how a parent would feel if they found out that their ONLY child could die at any moment, that their child could&#8217;ve died on the car ride to the hospital, or in their sleep the night before. I was in the emergency room at that time, and I&#8217;d been poked with so many needles, had a CT scan and an x-ray taken. The results of all the tests had pointed towards me possibly dying. Test results showed that 87% of my cells were &#8220;bad&#8221;/unhealthy cells, which is an alarming majority. I had pneumonia, meningitis, and leukemia, all at the same time.
I don&#8217;t think I will ever fully understand how my parents felt when they heard that, but I believe my dad put it pretty well. In his words: &#8220;I wouldn&#8217;t wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy.&#8221;
I&#8217;ll be honest, it only really sank in that I could&#8217;ve died on my last day in the hospital.
"You&#8217;re in remission."
My hematologist dropped by a day after they&#8217;d performed a biopsy to find out where exactly I stand, health-wise. She told me I was doing well, that my counts were looking good, then she said the words that my parents and I longed to hear: &#8220;You&#8217;re in remission.&#8221; I wish my parents had been around to hear that from the doctor herself, but they had to go to work that day. 
The leukemic cells in my body only accounted for about 3.2%, according to my doctor. That&#8217;s a far cry from the 87% at the beginning of my treatment, and I&#8217;m extremely happy about it. Remission was the final factor they needed to clear me for discharge, I think.
A week for rest and observation
I&#8217;ve been given a week to rest before we take on the second round of chemotherapy. There are restrictions to this &#8220;freedom&#8221;, of course, but I&#8217;ll take those willingly. I&#8217;m only allowed to be in controlled environments, and I pretty much have to have an air purifier nearby, just to make sure I don&#8217;t pick up anything from the air that could aggravate my condition. Densely-populated spaces should be avoided (no malls for me!), and I should still get plenty of rest.
Even though medicines are no longer being introduced to my system, the effects of chemotherapy continue to manifest. My hair is still falling out, albeit to a lesser degree. My skin is peeling in various spots, and I mostly leave it alone, though the temptation to scratch is great. XD 
I&#8217;m still weak and get tired easily, but I try not to let that stop me from being as active as possible without hurting myself. My legs are just strong enough to support me when walking short distances, but I don&#8217;t think I can walk a kilometer yet. My balance is still a little iffy, though I&#8217;m happy to say I&#8217;ve managed to stay upright and have not toppled over so far.
It&#8217;s already halfway through my rest week, but there&#8217;s so much I still want to do! I have plans for the remainder of this week, I hope I get to accomplish them. Been getting tired out by slightly complex tasks like getting dressed up in lolita (I couldn&#8217;t continue with my tights and shoes, I was exhausted by the time I slipped on a petticoat!) and handsewing, but I&#8217;d really like to accomplish stuff before heading back to the hospital.
I am so, so thankful.
It is not always in the divine plan for cancer patients to continue living. Some find out too late, some are not physically strong enough to take the beating that treatment will put their body through. The support, the prayers, the encouraging words are all very much appreciated. Thank God there are &#8220;earth-bound angels&#8221; who do what they can to save lives. I will be eternally grateful to all my blood donors - all from different walks of life - who gave without asking for anything in return. I cannot thank enough those who have extended help to my family. 
I didn&#8217;t cry during most of my first round of treatment, but nowadays I find myself crying at random. I&#8217;m thankful that I&#8217;m still alive.

The Leukemia Diaries, part 5 - Remission!

I thought that a post that brings good news deserves a happy photo! If I recall correctly, this is the last photo shoot I managed to do before I got hospitalized.

I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to writing this post, specifically. My doctors have declared me to be in remission! It doesn’t mean that I’m cured, but it does mean that I’m on my way there.

"She could go at any time."

A little over a month ago, my parents heard those words from one of my physicians. One can only imagine how a parent would feel if they found out that their ONLY child could die at any moment, that their child could’ve died on the car ride to the hospital, or in their sleep the night before. I was in the emergency room at that time, and I’d been poked with so many needles, had a CT scan and an x-ray taken. The results of all the tests had pointed towards me possibly dying. Test results showed that 87% of my cells were “bad”/unhealthy cells, which is an alarming majority. I had pneumonia, meningitis, and leukemia, all at the same time.

I don’t think I will ever fully understand how my parents felt when they heard that, but I believe my dad put it pretty well. In his words: “I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy.”

I’ll be honest, it only really sank in that I could’ve died on my last day in the hospital.

"You’re in remission."

My hematologist dropped by a day after they’d performed a biopsy to find out where exactly I stand, health-wise. She told me I was doing well, that my counts were looking good, then she said the words that my parents and I longed to hear: “You’re in remission.” I wish my parents had been around to hear that from the doctor herself, but they had to go to work that day. 

The leukemic cells in my body only accounted for about 3.2%, according to my doctor. That’s a far cry from the 87% at the beginning of my treatment, and I’m extremely happy about it. Remission was the final factor they needed to clear me for discharge, I think.

A week for rest and observation

I’ve been given a week to rest before we take on the second round of chemotherapy. There are restrictions to this “freedom”, of course, but I’ll take those willingly. I’m only allowed to be in controlled environments, and I pretty much have to have an air purifier nearby, just to make sure I don’t pick up anything from the air that could aggravate my condition. Densely-populated spaces should be avoided (no malls for me!), and I should still get plenty of rest.

Even though medicines are no longer being introduced to my system, the effects of chemotherapy continue to manifest. My hair is still falling out, albeit to a lesser degree. My skin is peeling in various spots, and I mostly leave it alone, though the temptation to scratch is great. XD 

I’m still weak and get tired easily, but I try not to let that stop me from being as active as possible without hurting myself. My legs are just strong enough to support me when walking short distances, but I don’t think I can walk a kilometer yet. My balance is still a little iffy, though I’m happy to say I’ve managed to stay upright and have not toppled over so far.

It’s already halfway through my rest week, but there’s so much I still want to do! I have plans for the remainder of this week, I hope I get to accomplish them. Been getting tired out by slightly complex tasks like getting dressed up in lolita (I couldn’t continue with my tights and shoes, I was exhausted by the time I slipped on a petticoat!) and handsewing, but I’d really like to accomplish stuff before heading back to the hospital.

I am so, so thankful.

It is not always in the divine plan for cancer patients to continue living. Some find out too late, some are not physically strong enough to take the beating that treatment will put their body through. The support, the prayers, the encouraging words are all very much appreciated. Thank God there are “earth-bound angels” who do what they can to save lives. I will be eternally grateful to all my blood donors - all from different walks of life - who gave without asking for anything in return. I cannot thank enough those who have extended help to my family. 

I didn’t cry during most of my first round of treatment, but nowadays I find myself crying at random. I’m thankful that I’m still alive.

Gloomy skies ahead?
I left for work yesterday and the skies were looking pretty gloomy. While I don&#8217;t particularly look forward to the inconveniences of commuting during the rainy season, I want to escape from the ridiculous heat. :(
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Photography by Luisa Manuel of The Hollow Box StudioMakeup by Caz Buss / Amadeobeloved
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Gloomy skies ahead?

I left for work yesterday and the skies were looking pretty gloomy. While I don’t particularly look forward to the inconveniences of commuting during the rainy season, I want to escape from the ridiculous heat. :(

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Photography by Luisa Manuel of The Hollow Box Studio
Makeup by Caz Buss / Amadeobeloved

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Briar Rose (on LOOKBOOK.nu)
I was originally planning to wear a Maleficent-inspired coord when I manage to watch Maleficent, but decided I wanted to wear something a lot lighter, hence the Briar Rose-inspired outfit. :) Dad asked me if I wanted to watch with him, and I hurriedly pulled this outfit together. I&#8217;m still amazed that I managed to remember that I owned all these pieces, given the perpetual state of mess that my wardrobe is in. I should probably work on organizing it more. XD
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Outfit breakdown (from head to toe):Spiked rosette headband: Dark~Sweet~Soul (they do custom stuff!)Wig: Gothic Lolita Wigs Long Babydoll Creme De La Creme (sans twintails, phased out)Peasant blouse: stolen from my mother&#8217;s closet (thanks, Ma!)Fashion corset: Lucky Doll LingerieSkirt: Bodyline (I love this style! Saving up to get the pink version)Heels: Brash
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Full-body photo by Buddy Lopa
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Briar Rose (on LOOKBOOK.nu)

I was originally planning to wear a Maleficent-inspired coord when I manage to watch Maleficent, but decided I wanted to wear something a lot lighter, hence the Briar Rose-inspired outfit. :) Dad asked me if I wanted to watch with him, and I hurriedly pulled this outfit together. I’m still amazed that I managed to remember that I owned all these pieces, given the perpetual state of mess that my wardrobe is in. I should probably work on organizing it more. XD

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Outfit breakdown (from head to toe):
Spiked rosette headband: Dark~Sweet~Soul (they do custom stuff!)
Wig: Gothic Lolita Wigs Long Babydoll Creme De La Creme (sans twintails, phased out)
Peasant blouse: stolen from my mother’s closet (thanks, Ma!)
Fashion corset: Lucky Doll Lingerie
Skirt: Bodyline (I love this style! Saving up to get the pink version)
Heels: Brash

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Full-body photo by Buddy Lopa

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Do you wanna have a cupcaaaake~?
I&#8217;m gonna need some sweets to pick me up and get me out of bed for Monday. My body is not ready for Monday.
Can it be Friday already?
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Photography by Mark U./Coffeebugg
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Do you wanna have a cupcaaaake~?

I’m gonna need some sweets to pick me up and get me out of bed for Monday. My body is not ready for Monday.

Can it be Friday already?

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Photography by Mark U./Coffeebugg

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Suddenly, lion mane! on LOOKBOOK.nu
I love, love, love poofy hair! I forgot to tease my wig when we were taking outfit shots, but I shook it out after a bit, for the portraits. 
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Photography by: JR Madrasto
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Suddenly, lion mane! on LOOKBOOK.nu

I love, love, love poofy hair! I forgot to tease my wig when we were taking outfit shots, but I shook it out after a bit, for the portraits. 

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Photography by: JR Madrasto

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Attacking cupcakes! O u O
Had a derpy shoot with Mark again, this time we visited Vanilla Cupcake Bakery. I was drawn to this place because of its cute interiors. I swear I&#8217;ll get better outfit photos of this coord, I spent most of the shoot sitting down and well, attacking the cupcakes. XD
For now, I go back to real life, and get some rest before facing work. Our load just got a bit heavier. D:
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Photography by Mark U./Coffeebugg
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Attacking cupcakes! O u O

Had a derpy shoot with Mark again, this time we visited Vanilla Cupcake Bakery. I was drawn to this place because of its cute interiors. I swear I’ll get better outfit photos of this coord, I spent most of the shoot sitting down and well, attacking the cupcakes. XD

For now, I go back to real life, and get some rest before facing work. Our load just got a bit heavier. D:

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Photography by Mark U./Coffeebugg

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Cranky Cupcake
It&#8217;s April 1, and people are posting all their &#8220;pranks&#8221; online. People are suddenly &#8220;in a relationship&#8221; or &#8220;getting married&#8221; or &#8220;pregnant.&#8221; I don&#8217;t know about you, but I feel like it&#8217;s disrespectful to joke about those things because they&#8217;re things that people actually have as part of their reality. :(
Here, have a picture of me being a cranky cupcake.
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Photography by: JR Madrasto
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Cranky Cupcake

It’s April 1, and people are posting all their “pranks” online. People are suddenly “in a relationship” or “getting married” or “pregnant.” I don’t know about you, but I feel like it’s disrespectful to joke about those things because they’re things that people actually have as part of their reality. :(

Here, have a picture of me being a cranky cupcake.

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Photography by: JR Madrasto

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